We'll say it straight up: There's no good reason in the world to hang on to these habits. They aren't helping your marriage.
#1. Nagging, nagging, nagging.
We know about the squeaky wheel, but complaining loud and long gets
you only short-term gains and builds up powerful discontent on your
spouse's side.
#2. Blaming, criticizing and name-calling.
These tactics belittle the person you promised to love, honor and
cherish; they let you play angel to his or her devil; and they don't
address the responsibility you both share for your marital happiness.
#3. Bullying, rudeness and selfishness.
These ugly power plays tell your partner that he or she doesn't count at all in your eyes.
#4. Peacekeeping and passive placating.
A "whatever you say, dear" attitude may keep your home quieter, but
it leaves you in the martyr's role. You'll end up angry, defensive, and a
drudge. What fun is that?
#5. Deploying logic all the time.
Life isn't the Starship Enterprise. Playing the dispassionate Mr.
Spock not only cuts you off from your feelings, but also subtly tells
your spouse that his or her feelings don't count, either.
#6. Throwing up distractions.
You're just having fun, right? Think again. Being hyperactive,
fooling around all the time and refusing to focus — in conversation or
in life — is often an attempt to avoid intimacy or difficult issues,
which can be horribly frustrating for your mate.
#7. Stonewalling.
Another stall maneuver, stonewalling stops arguments and constructive
discussions cold. Not much can happen when one spouse just won't talk
about it.
#8. Making unilateral decisions about the big things.
Sometimes you have to pick the bathroom paint color on your own. But
if you're making major decisions about your money, your time, your kids
and your family life, you're acting without accountability and cutting
off the possibility of joint decision-making and deeper intimacy.
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